High-Functioning Anxiety is being able to excel in life day-to-day, being able to function well in social situations, but internally feeling rapid heart rate, fear, stomach aches, feeling lightheaded, shortness of breath, and insomnia. Makeup is defined as, according to the Webster's Dictionary, specifically: materials added to replace material that has been used up. This definition is so fitting when linked to anxiety. I have high-functioning anxiety, and I feel completely used up. I'm going through the motions day by day, marking off engagements as I go, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. When I'm finally done with a day, I feel as if part of my effort to function is taken away. I have to cover myself, replace materials that have been used up like strength, patience, happiness, and confidence. It's so hard to keep going when everything in you is telling to "just get back under the covers" because a day to fully embrace my anxiety won't hurt right?
Repetition. Americans have lived in constant repetition for centuries, and the world is set up for it to work as a system. Monday through Friday from 5 a.m.- 7 p.m. we are out working, socializing, going to school, breakfast, lunch, dinner, workout, sleep and guess what? Repeat. We become stuck in a pattern, stagnant. Anxiety kind of works in patterns, it shows up in the most inopportune times, it brings on severe migraines, anxious picking, blank stares, and impulsive behavior. Now can you imagine seeing a person with all of these symptoms sitting in a dark classroom at nap time ? Even these symptoms are on repetition, at the same time everyday.
Excoriation disorder is a chronic skin picking disorder usually characterized in someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Now I wouldn't necessarily say that I have OCD because it hasn't been medically diagnosed. I refuse to own any diagnoses not on paper written in terrible handwriting by a doctor. This symptom is part of my repetition. It leads back to makeup. I pick and pick, and the picking depends on the severity of my anxiousness. Anxious, pick, scar, makeup, repeat.
So, here I've compiled my basic life sequence. This has been my pattern of life for years now, and somehow I always thought I was the only one, but a few years ago I met someone with almost the same sequence as mine. That's the thing though, we become ashamed of our life sequences and it's flaws. What you don't always know is who you could impact by sharing. There are literally millions of girls out there struggling with the same thing. Feeling stuck on a ferris wheel, never slowing down enough to jump off. Girls, you are not alone. We are out there struggling too. My point here is that even in our repetition, it would be nice to interrupt it to reach out to someone else struggling on the ride with us. Sticking together could change literally everything. Jesus, Counsel, Strength, and Repeat. Lets change up the sequence.
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